Ladies….does this sound familiar…?
A friend or colleague tells you…. “oh you look lovely, I really like your top”
You: …. awkward laugh…. why is she saying this? What is she really trying to say?
Your response: …. “Oh no, I look awful today and this top was only like a fiver from Primark” as you tug and pull at it
I don’t know about you, but I have a real issue with receiving compliments. I get awkward, think of all the reasons why they might ‘really‘ be saying it and quickly brush it off, more than likely deflecting it back to them with a half hearted inauthentic compliment back
After this was pointed out to me recently, I decided to call upon the trusty Google to tell me why I am like this, and apparently I am far from alone
It turns out, that most women will deflect a compliment, especially if it is off another woman!
In fact, a study carried out by Robert Herbert found that only 22% of compliments given by women to women were accepted (68% were accepted if it was a male complimenting a female)
Right OK, I can accept that but WHY do we do this?
I read further…
As a culture (in the UK) we are modest, we are almost taught not to be too ‘full of ourselves’ to not come across as ‘cocky’ and essentially not to be too comfortable within ourselves – or at the very least not to come across to others as if we are
Being embarrassed and panicking when we receive a compliment is a reflection of our self-esteem, how we see ourselves and our feelings of self worth. When someone says something nice about our appearance or something we have worked on, it contradicts our own view of ourselves. We are much more likely to prefer the company of those that see us negatively and who will agree with our own self perception – we actively seek out verification of our own view of ourselves! How crazy is that!
Because we might not agree with the nice comments, the compliment is then seen as inauthentic, “are they just taking the mick out of me?”
So what do we need to do?
We need to work on our self worth, and get rid of these silly insecurities we have. We need to recognise and own how amazing we really are!
When someone tells us something positive about ourselves or something we have done – WE NEED TO BELIEVE IT!
Lets try this….
- Don’t put yourself down to the person who has complimented you – they have gone out of their way to say something nice
- Only compliment them back if you are sincere in what you are saying – we don’t want to come across as inauthentic
- Accept it!!! (Whaaaat!!!!) Yes!! Accept it, say thank you, believe it, move on!!